Christmas Quotes

Just a few quotes from some of the kids that I teach.

"Teacher, Friday is... Happy Birthday Jesus."

"Teacher is... Santa is... Jaguar class coming?"

Student: "Teacher, look I have snowflake."

Teacher: "You have what? Snowplay??"

Student: "NO... Teacher you are not listen carefully!!!"

Haunted House

Halloween at my school was fun.  Groups of teachers were put in charge of making it entertaining for the preschool kids.  One group was put in charge of arts and crafts.  Another was storytelling.  Two other teachers and I put together a haunted house.   The necessary tools were gathered: probably a box full of black plastic garbage bags to cover the walls, some construction paper to cover up the lights, some loud bass notes on the piano, and the will to make as many kids as possible cry.  What followed was the fun that WE got out of Halloween.  Most children refused to even go into the haunted house because of the quick reputation that it adopted with our first initial successes.  My yelling at the children I get to teach everyday, and jumping out and spooking them, coupled with their screams and subsequent sobs was all I needed to make this Halloween special. 

Korean Halloween

Koreans don’t really celebrate Halloween.  Foreign teachers in Korea do.  A few of us got together and had some drinks at home then took a couple of cabs to get to Seoul.  Well traffic got in the way of us being able to hold it in any longer… so we barked at the taxi to get to the side of the road and let us off.  We paid, and he drove away.  We met up with another cab full of our friends taking the same pee break as us.  We enjoyed ourselves that night, waiting to come home until 5:30 AM until the subway and busses started circulating again.  At that time my friend Pikachu and I (I was dressed as a pirate) saw ourselves walking around Seoul looking for a subway station.  Seoul tends to be busy all the time, including this time of morning.   My eye patch, leather knee high boots and frilly shirt attracted enough attention from the morning subway riders.  The last stop for Pikachu and I was McDonalds for breakfast, which is becoming somewhat of a tradition on those loooong nights.

Pepero Day

Today is November 11th.  Everyone knows that once a year people gather around on this special day of commemoration.  Although in this country we don't remember the sacrifices in the quest for an armistice, but those necessary to drive the sales by wealthy department store chains on chocolate covered pretzel sticks.  So Remembrance Day for me was overshadowed by Pepero Day!

Pepero - a chocolate coated, maybe pretzel/wafer stick.  

Pepero Day - everyone buy pepero and give it to your friends, coworkers, and teachers.  

I got bombarded today with boxes of chocolate coated wafers.  Some were chocolate and almond coated, come coffee flavoured, and some strawberry flavoured.  Then there is the "naked" pepero, which is filled with chocolate instead of coated, so that it won't melt.  

Now I have enough snacks to tide me over for a new while.  Thank you greedy trying to sell a buck, yet perhaps genius inventor of Pepero Day.  

Hooker Hill

Some buddies and I were walking in Itaewon recently on our way to meet up with some friends at a drinking establishment.  We were walking up a hill with some bars and clubs on either side of the road.  Two hookers ran out of a building, latched on to my sweater, and attempted to drag me in towards their party zone.  I resisted, and got away safely.  Fast forward and my friend and I are sitting down together when two hookers and this older, larger, unfortunately scantily clad woman begin asking us questions like if we were looking for a good time.  My friend thought it would be funny to ask how much.  It turned out that it was funny.  For a few minutes we had a pretty heated debate about how their first offer was outrageous, and how our counter offer was insulting to their... profession?  The conversation of course ended with us walking away with our pants on and wallets just as heavy as when we started, without ever having an intention to change that.

I'll have... whatever is going.

Today I was walking with my very beautiful friend  past a restaurant that smelled delicious.  It was a fried chicken place.  We walked in and decided to sit down.  A nice Korean dude came over and started speaking to us, asking what we wanted to eat in Korean.  We said something to the effect of "yes" and he left.  Next, we thought it would be a good idea to order some beer.  Apparently we already did.  He came back with some beer and some fried chicken.  Well that was easier than I thought.  With a couple nods of the head, and no idea what was going on, we managed to order exactly what we wanted.  We either caught a lucky break, or that waiter was some kind of sorcerer... Also my friend is single, and looking.

Pork...something

I haven't written in awhile.

I think I'll talk about what I had for dinner.  I ordered "pork ... something" and waited for my food.  Along came a free bowl of kimchi; a hardboiled egg; some sea weed flakes; sea weed cut up like green beans at thanksgiving; tofu, shrimp, and clam soup; a large bowl of rice; a pot of tea, and a fully cooked and glazed fish.  And the actual meal.  11000 won, shared between 2 people, so 5 dollars canadian for the most fulfilling meal I have had in this country.  And no tax.  Or tips.

WAAAAAAA

After making a 12 year old cry like a rainstorm in front of all his friends in class today, I thought it would be appropriate to shed some light on the sensitivity of Korean children. 

 

Ben Teacher: "Ok, take out your books, and turn to page 35."

Kid: "No."

Ben Teacher (looking austere but more importantly giving this delinquent a chance, maybe expecting a "nothing nothing nothing"): "What did you just say to me?"

Kid: "No."

Ben Teacher: "Get out of my class."

Kid: "No."

Ben Teacher (getting off of chair to open the classroom door, and then sitting back down on chair): "Get out of my class."

Kid: "No."

Ben Teacher: "(kid's name) get out of my class.  NOW!" (trying to/succeeding in/ looking scary.  Also lunging self at kid with the wrath of khan)

Kid (regretting birth/ whining like a little "mom are you reading this?"): "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

I don't know if I have ever seen someone literally burst into tears before.  Anyways I went up to his desk, took his book, and threw it into the hallway.  Along with his dignity.

This was most definitely not the first time I have 'made' a kid cry in my class over the 6 weeks I have been teaching thus far.  

I teach science class once a week to some 7 year olds.  We were making windmills by blowing wind through a straw and having a paper with slits in it turn in circles.  One kid thought it would be a nice idea to come and show me that he got his working.  He started to blow the air and spit that had been camping out in his mouth over the preceding minutes into my face. 

Ben Teacher (receiving a face full of stupid kid spit): "Don't blow into my face."

Kid: "WAAAAAAAAA"

Really?

When the preschool kids are bad, and yell, and fight each other, you put an angry face beside their name on the name tag board.  3 angry faces and your sorry behind has to eat lunch in another class.  Option A, you eat all by yourself.  Option B, you eat in front of another class as they ridicule you to your face... depending on how I feel that day.  A couple of days ago this one kid had accumulated 2 angry faces from being his usual obnoxious self in class.  When we were walking back to class from the washroom somehow he thought it a good idea to physically strike another kid while I was watching.  Fast forward  through all the yelling that I have learned to enjoy, and I'm giving out the kids their lunches.  When I get to his I say "Follow me" as I walk towards the exit of the class.

Kid: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

That one makes more sense.

Currently the most well behaved kid in the class.

He had option B.

Ben Teacher: "Stop yelling or I will give you an angry face."

Kid (yelling): *yell*

Ben Teacher (takes angry face, puts it beside kid's name)

Kid: "WAAAAAAA"

Oh, come on!

By the way this is the kid who cried in my class the first 3 days in a row I started teaching at this school.

Ben Teacher (still learning about kids' English proficiencies, and makes a test for the class that is way too hard for their level) 

Kid: "WAAAAAAAAA"

Oops...

Sorry.

Ben Teacher: "Please walk, don't run."

Kid (runs, takes a giant spill all over the floor, breaks glasses): "WAAAAAAAA"

Ok, that one wasn't my fault.

Korean TV

I am currently enthralled with a television program that may be the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.  

It's all in Korean so I really can't understand anything.  

There are 6 guys in full yellow jump suits.  The first thing they were doing when I turned onto the channel was one fat guy was top rocking the most basic break dance move and all the other guys would run up to him knowing they would be pushed to the ground by his fat belly.  So they run up to the fat guy and then fall down and there is a loud laughing track (fake audience) that follows.  It all happens over, and over, and over again.  Guy after guy rushes up to the one fat guy and just fall down.  I said it was ridiculous, but I never said it wasn't funny.  This thing had me and the "audience" in stitches.  

The next thing they did was one guy would be "up" from what I could tell.  He would have a guy frantically wave a certain amount of fingers in front of his face for a few seconds and then would have to guess how many fingers there were.  The object is to wave your rock fist for example so fast that the guy who was "up" would not be able to see your fingers long enough to guess that there were two fingers waving in his face. Then he would guess wrong and everyone would laugh at him and flick him in the face. The guy who showed the fingers would also slap the guy who guessed wrong on his arm with as many fingers as he waved.

Next they had staring contests with their knuckles pressed against each other on a table and pushing against each other.  The winner pushed his opponents fingers over a certain line. Sort of an arm wrestle/tug of war.  

The next thing they did was have a  competition to see who could do the most pushups on the least amount of fingers. 

Next they are danced in skin tight outfits, and the winner was the one whose belly falls out of his zipped up jumpsuit last.

Did I mention that these are all grown men? Also they have cheerleaders.

Fan Death

Wow.  Ok.

So there is an urban legend in Korea that if you turn on an electric fan (or air conditioner) and leave it on all night when you fall asleep, that you will die.

All fans sold in Korea have a timer switch on them that you are encouraged to turn on before you go to bed.  

People believe they will die from fan death I think because as your body relaxes in sleep it becomes more susceptible to changes in temperature.  They think you will get hypothermia.  I think they may also think that the fan blades will cut up all the diatomic molecules of oxygen, leaving nothing left for your body to breathe. 

I have fallen asleep nearly every day with my AC on.  I should be more careful next summer.

Epiphany

I came to an important realization today.  I am lucky to be living where I am.  My apartment, while perhaps not as aesthetically pleasing as one may desire, is in a good location, being 5 minutes from work and a great part of town.  The YMCA is 5 minutes away, good groceries are 5 minutes away, and the bus stop and subway station are 5 and 10 away.  Good show.

Spitting

You will be randomly walking down the street in this country and suddenly you will hear the grossest sound you could know:  a Korean dude clearing his throat so loudly preparing to spread it out all over the pavement you’re walking on.  Thanks.  

September 7 2009

Today I ducked out of the way of a rat sized dragonfly.  Then walking back home one flew into my face.  

September 2 2009

Koreans randomly make U turns in the middle of the street.  Then when one car goes, 5 more follow.  This is usually followed by a series of aggressive honking and very nearly an accident every time with an oncoming car usually traveling at full speed.  

August 31 2009

Koreans wrap subway sandwiches like they are being quarantined.  

August 30 2009

Every car in Korea has scratches or dents on all 4 corners of the car.  I’ve been told that the most traffic fatalities per year come out of this country, and I believe that.  You can’t walk 5 minutes without hearing at least twice as many people honk their horns.  Tow trucks are funny because they have sirens on them and they race like mad through traffic.  And not just one several.  The first tow truck to the accident or collision gets the job and the money.  

August 28 2009

Probably the best thing about this country is the food.  For 4000 won, which is about 4 bucks Canadian, you can get a full meal.  If western food is your bag, how about a full plate of oven cheese spaghetti for 5 bucks?  There are a ridiculous number of cafes and dining areas everywhere, and most seem to be very inexpensive.  There are Outback Steakhouses and TGI Fridays all over too.  Apparently they are quite expensive though.  Another deal with the food: no tax and no tipping.  You can really save a lot when you are not adding 13 and then another 15% on top of everything you buy.  

August 25 2009

Hmm… more Korean cuisine and even more stubborn, obnoxious kids.  Remember I said I was impressed with some student levels? Unfortunately, I have taken to comparing them to all the other classes, which now seem impossible to teach due to their shameless stupidity.  Wow, as I type that out it seems a little mean.  I suppose it’s not their fault they don’t understand what I am talking about.  Why doesn’t everyone speak English already? Because I wouldn’t have a job or…?

August 24 2009

My first day at SLP.  Everyone is very welcoming.  There are several other foreign teachers and other Korean teachers working too.  My first day and week is to be strictly observation of other teachers in the classroom.  It looks like I will be teaching some preschool kids, something I had never once imagined nor desired.  Other student ages go up to about 13 years old.  The levels of English are higher than I imagined, with many classes of students holding the ability to read and write in English.  I came here under the impression that I would be teaching these kids conversational English, but some are already writing book reports.  Some kids are cute, some are fun and some are nightmares to deal with.  I tried some real Korean dishes over lunch and dinner and enjoyed the hot Korean spices.  Also, I have taken a liking to kimchee.  The food will be no problem.  The seemingly rigorous school schedule may be a different story.  Early to bed early to rise.

August 23 2009

I woke up and made my first attempt to familiarize myself with my location in Korea.  Essentially, I live in the ghetto.  I’ve  been told that this whole development is a decade old.  I’ve also been told that I live in a very rich district and part of the fastest growing parts of the country.  Much of this seems true, but instead of living in the high-rise, beautifully modern apartment complexes I imagined, I find myself in a 4-story, concrete? Edifice separated by tiny alleyways covered in dried vomit.  Apparently old Korean dudes have nothing better to do on weekdays but to drink themselves into a stupour.  The inside of the room I am sharing is nice enough.  The bathroom however has no window, and no shower.  Well, it has a shower head, just it shoots… everywhere.  No glass door or separation of shower.  Quite peculiar.  The door to the bathroom is of course made of wood and as a result is dilapidating which adds a pleasant touch to the aroma of crisp mildew making a home of the base of the toilet and anywhere else it can find.  I digress.  I took the main street one way to one of the big name department stores, Lotte Mart.  Several floors with each the size of a big Wal-Mart.  It screams success.  On my way out, I walked the main down the other way to the E-Mart, another of the same but apparently Korean owned.  The funny thing I find about these stores is that there seems to be someone to help out customers at each 10 foot section of the store.  So anytime you stop walking, some petite asian girl starts circling you like you’re prey in the dessert.  Vultures? As long as you keep moving you won’t be flooded with “aanyong haseyo” or other current nonsensical Korean jargon.  I familiarized myself with some of the things that I will likely by buying over the next little while: bagels, milk, cereal.  I tried to pas the time, successfully, until my jet lag kicked in around 6:30PM asking if I wouldn’t mind sleeping for the next 14 hours.  I didn’t.  

August 22 2009

Another one of the teachers picked me up at noon as my temporary roommate was away for the weekend at the beach.  We met up with some others to check out the big city, Seoul.  I live South of the capital, in a suburb called Suji-Gu.  Gu means district, or so I’ve been told.   We hopped on the bus and took the hour long ride to Seoul station for about a buck and a half.  Nice deal.  A couple of subway stops away found us wandering the flea market.  The Seoul flea market contains some of the most useless, dated, well, crap that I have ever seen to this day.  But it was fun to see my new friends haggling in their impressive attempts to speak the local language.  Another trip on the subway and we were in Hongdae University area where I probably haven’t seen more people in one place before in my life.  Just getting out of the subway station.  China is probably worse.  Also internment camps.  The local party zone found me dining at a coveted Korean cuisine, Dos Tacos, where I ate attempts at Mexican burritos while reading the rest of the menu consisting of Coronas and other authentic Korean treasures.  I also checked out a popular tourist spot Insadong where I perused beautiful art pieces, watched as Italian tourist couples walked hand in hand adding to the melting pot of cultures in the city’s centre, and watched how some handmade jewelry was crated.  The rode the bus on the relatively quick ride home, crossing my fingers and holding my breath as the psycho driver squeezed his way through the other traffic.  I was returned safely to the Gu.  Jet lag anyone? Time to sleep.

August 20/21 2009

My adventure in Korea started with a day-long flight from Ottawa to Toronto to Tokyo to Seoul.  My first 5 minutes in Japan saw me searching for a washroom at the airport.  I walked in, pushed the door of the stall  open, and BAM! Hole in the ground toilet.  Um… ok.  I think I’ll pass.  Japanese people act as if they have never seen a white or maybe tall person before.  Maybe they haven’t.  In fact, I’m glad I could be their first, as they craned their necks taking long, hard gazes UP at me.  Suddenly, nobody spoke English anymore.  My flight into Seoul consisted of some what I expected were Japanese tourists, several Koreans, and myself.  Oh, and the other white dude I decided to approach and speak to.  Unfortunately, he didn’t really speak English as he was… maybe Swiss or something.  First and last assumption I make about the other white foreigners in this country.  I made it into Seoul at about 11:30 PM.  Someone representing the school I will work at was waiting for me at the airport.  My first extended contact with a native Korean.  Our near 2 hour car ride consisted of heavily weaving in and out of traffic while his GPS screamed at him to slow down, paying money to the ridiculous number of toll gates in this country, and answering strange forward questions for instance about my religious beliefs.  When I got to the 2 bedroom apartment I would be sharing with another teacher until my own apartment was ready the following week, I crashed after being awake for maybe 30 hours.  Welcome to Korea.